Special Guest Contributor Michael Steele:
Yo, yo, yo!
This be Michael Steele, the big pimpin’ MC of the GOP. I’m the HNIC representin’ representatives, yo. Before anything, I would like to give a shout-out to all my supporters: the Chamber of Commerce, AIPAC, and Satan. That’s it. Oh, and Alex Knepper. Waddup, Alex!
I wish I could be rappin’ wif y’all about somethin’ we don’t take seriously, like abortion or soldiers’ lives. Regretfully, my homegirl at Hip Hop Republicans sent me the 411 on some serious shit: RACISM! I spent all this money making a new GOP website so that bein’ against racism was the party’s second priority (Israel 1st!!!) and it turns out that some of y’all still want to be all racist ‘n shit…
Well, all the inbred crackers at Alternative Right can kiss my Black ass! Old school! My brother Jose Celso Barbosa didn’t become no advisor to Puerto Rico’s gubernatorial council in 1899 just so y’all could hate on him with charts ‘n studies ‘n shit. My strong Black brother from another mother Pinckney Pinchback didn’t serve on no executive committee of Georgia’s Republican Party in 1868 just so y’all could crash this party with y’all’s hate facts.
How am I supposed to drop bombs on random Ay-rabs if them honkies be droppin’ bombs on ME?! You best back dat pink ass up or else I’m gonna dish me out a rebuttal. Straight up! You want photo ops with a Black guy? You’ll have to buy yourself a different Black guy for your brochures ‘n shit. If I see one more pinky write bojive about multiculturalizationism, he gonna need Amber Lamps. I’ll cap you like Democrats be cappin’ Octavius Catto in 1871. I’ll stop preachin’ about The Reconstruction and start reconstructin’ your pasty faces…beyotches!
Mascot, Republican National Committee
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