Alternative Right be Racist ‘n Shit

Special Guest Contributor Michael Steele:
The Esteemed Chairman

Yo, yo, yo!

This be Michael Steele, the big pimpin’ MC of the GOP. I’m the HNIC representin’ representatives, yo. Before anything, I would like to give a shout-out to all my supporters: the Chamber of Commerce, AIPAC, and Satan. That’s it. Oh, and Alex Knepper. Waddup, Alex!

I wish I could be rappin’ wif y’all about somethin’ we don’t take seriously, like abortion or soldiers’ lives. Regretfully, my homegirl at Hip Hop Republicans sent me the 411 on some serious shit: RACISM! I spent all this money making a new GOP website so that bein’ against racism was the party’s second priority (Israel 1st!!!) and it turns out that some of y’all still want to be all racist ‘n shit…

Well, all the inbred crackers at Alternative Right can kiss my Black ass! Old school! My brother Jose Celso Barbosa didn’t become no advisor to Puerto Rico’s gubernatorial council in 1899 just so y’all could hate on him with charts ‘n studies ‘n shit. My strong Black brother from another mother Pinckney Pinchback didn’t serve on no executive committee of Georgia’s Republican Party in 1868 just so y’all could crash this party with y’all’s hate facts.

How am I supposed to drop bombs on random Ay-rabs if them honkies be droppin’ bombs on ME?! You best back dat pink ass up or else I’m gonna dish me out a rebuttal. Straight up! You want photo ops with a Black guy? You’ll have to buy yourself a different Black guy for your brochures ‘n shit. If I see one more pinky write bojive about multiculturalizationism, he gonna need Amber Lamps. I’ll cap you like Democrats be cappin’ Octavius Catto in 1871. I’ll stop preachin’ about The Reconstruction and start reconstructin’ your pasty faces…beyotches!


Michael Steele

Mascot, Republican National Committee

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About Matt Parrott 98 Articles
Matt Parrott is a low IQ wignat LARPing costume clown.


  1. It was funny, until I got to the last bit, with that heinous pic of the Big Black Mammy – with a weave.

    Skeery. Rilly skeery.

  2. “bein’ against racism was the party’s second priority (Israel 1st!!!)”

    What do you want from me wiki – should I laugh or cry?

  3. Having this affirmative action buffoon running the GOP has been disastrous in terms of party defections and fundraising and yet he’s still there. I don’t think Steele was put there to draw blacks into the Republican Party. Few blacks vote Republican and few ever will outside of the 10 percent that do when there’s not a black running for President. He was put there to keep the controlled opposition controlled and scare away Whites.

  4. The worst part about the GOP picture is that it was originally on the Republican Party’s website. Or am I wrong?

  5. If all you honkees will allow, I’d like to articulijate myself. Being da ejumicated negro I am – I did go to law skoo – and I be da real deal (not one of those coffee wit cream skinded nigga trick ass biatches) – I just likes to say don’t mess wit my nigga Michael (Melisizwe) Steal. That mofo buss a cap in ya’alls ass.

  6. I actually didn’t think it was that funny, not least because Steele doesn’t talk that way. He shouldn’t be the head of the RNC, but this is kind of juvenile.

  7. Yo Michael Steal (as in yo dat mo fo gonna steal yo wallet) is a bidness man. He be utilizin’ republican resources to get his pimp game on

  8. Roach – yes, it’s a little juvenile. So what?

    This is satire. The idea is to make your opponent look ridiculous, laughable, stupid.

    The basic idea of the piece is dead on; A Negro is still always a Negro.

  9. Roach,
    I was aiming at a parody of his notorious attempts to “reach out” to the hip hop crowd. He speaks fluently in regular discourse and I recognize that. This was an attempt to mock his politics and his strategy, not his intelligence. Colbert goes for a similar joke on his mainstream media show…

  10. Sam,
    Yes. It was on the original website. I believe it might still be. They rotate. I have a dollar that says the poor woman in that shot had absolutely no idea she was going to be the face of the Republican Party.

  11. If that is the “face of the Republican Part” we are far worse off than I could have ever imagined. I mean – look at that face. What *is* that?

  12. ‘Shit man’, a good satirical parody Matt. You’ve got Negro pidgin “English” down pretty good. Usually, only those who have actual real life experience with Negroes, and know them well, can rap nigger jive, ‘n shit. Yes, we know Steele be an articulate Negro, wiff lotsa Negro “mojo”, ‘n shit. For those who need a remedial course in Negritude, see

  13. Bapoto, the phrase “tore up” (pronounced tow-up) is more popular among Simian Americans than “crunk.”

  14. ‘Shit man’, a good satirical parody Matt. You’ve got Negro pidgin “English” down pretty good.

    It’s all those visits to his negro hairdresser, he’s keepin’ it real!

  15. David Frum writes, “If Cleo E. Brown is guilty of anything, it’s driving Alex Knepper toward homosexuality. Many people do not know it, but Alex and Cleo dated. (They were set up by Alex’s homeboy Michael Steele.) But like many flings, it was not meant to be. Cleo nearly suffocated Alex on two occasions of hanky panky, which emotionally scared Alex, driving him toward homosexuality (and Satan). Please, go easy on Alex. He’s fragile and confused.”

    I never thought I’d live to see the day that David Frum was commenting at Occidental Dissent. But I can see why he is. He’s like a father figure to young Alex.

  16. Assuming that is Frum, perhaps he has gotten it into his head that it is ‘good for the Jews’ to think about cutting a deal with White Nationalists, while the getting is good. Later on, nothing less than total expulsion of the Jews from all White countries may be the best they can hope for. Something to ponder, Frumster.

  17. This made me LMFAO. We need more satire mocking this sorry state of affairs and for a change of pace from the dry, intellectual commentary. Humor, satire, and parody are important in the ongoing propaganda war against multiculturalism and this rotten system we languish under.

  18. Totally off topic – bit this thread is still getting action. I need yer input, folks.

    Should I or should I not expend the time, energy, and resources need to go to DC, and mill about over the “Healthcare Bill”?

    My Tea Party group is going. They are taking a bus – in approx 5 hours. I am wide awake. I am not ever going to force myself to get to sleep before Midnight. I would have to get up ate 2:30AM, to get to the bus. I told them I would go, but there was a screw up on when I was told the bus was leaving. So I’ve bailed.

    They are cheesed at me.

    I was planning to drive in tomorrow, in the AM, by myself – but I’m not sure I should waste the time and money. I think the Hebes in DC are gonna do what they are gonna do. Several of the fellows in the group know about my beliefs. A couple of the guys are “where I am” on these issues. Most are not. They still cling to the shreds of their dream to “take the country back”. I’ve basically told them they are deluding themselves, and they’ll find out for themselves.

    They still want me there, cause, frankly – I’m fun. I’m a lot of fun, in person.

    I won’t be any fun at all, though, on no sleep.

    What do to? I just got off the phone with one of the members, and he thinks it’s a complete waste of time. He has to work early tomorrow, but he basically thinks we would be more productive if we just went to the shooting range, after he’s done for the day.

    The gal I spoke to, just before him, basically, begged, pleaded, scolded, and chewed me out for eschewing the bus trip. She really really really wants me to go on the bus.

    Is any-one here going? Please drop me a few thoughts, on the matter. I know I must sound like an absolute idiot, but I really can’t make up my mind.


  19. I love this…

    I thought that I would let you know that I have studied Race, Education, Politics, American Government, and American and European Intellectual History. I know what I am talking about. My teachers, especially Eugene Lunn Ph.D. , Austin Ahonotu Ph.D., Roland Marchand Ph.D.,Paul Goodman Ph.D., and Clarence Walker Ph.D., would be happy to see that I have made the connection between Alternative Right’s rhetoric and a similar rhetoric promoted in Europe from 1926 thru 1944[…]

    That’s quite possibly the most traumatic blunt force application of AUTHORITY I’ve seen in over a decade of debating people on the Internet.

    The real tragedy here is that nobody had the integrity or courage to tell her that she had no business in college…much less graduate school. The school just kept taking her money and pulling her along. It wasn’t until her DOCTORAL THESIS that somebody, for just one moment out of decades, finally had to confront the reality that this woman is barely literate.

    I think she does have a valid lawsuit on her hands, but it’s for every dime she paid in tuition, not for her doctorate. The fraud committed by the educational institution is tantamount to charging a midget a million dollars to coach him for the Olympics. She knows this on some level, but her financial, emotional, and temporal investment in her education at this point must be tremendous.

  20. I actually didn’t think it was that funny, not least because Steele doesn’t talk that way.

    It would’ve been hilarious though, if Steele did talk that way. I mean, what could possibly be funny about making a public figure talk downmarket? Roach, consider the possibility you have no sense of humor.

    Just saying…

  21. Like that cutout of Slick Willie’s face on Conan, where he talks like a hick. That never made me laugh – Willie doesn’t talk like that. And he’s not slick either – never seen him coated in any viscous fluids, not even once.

  22. Bapoto, the phrase “tore up” (pronounced tow-up) is more popular among Simian Americans than “crunk.”

    Southern blacks have a different dialect. Here they say “bas ap” (busted up). It’s kind of impossible to write the way they talk.

  23. Roach, consider the possibility you have no sense of humor.

    I was once surprised to find an especially witty lawyer I know (who used to work with Roach) posting a typically witty comment on Roach’s blog. I don’t think she’d have bothered if Roach didn’t have a sense of humor.

  24. Steele is, in clasic negro manner, a raging pariah, pox and outright failure in toto….. To the RNC/GOP which he has hijacked, pimped and holds hostage, the idiot megalomaniac, shuck & jive huckster needs to go.
    The GOP has enough problems, no true conservative (that clearly leaves out that other idiot huckster Sean Hannity) feels alignment with the GOP, and adding Steele to the pockmarked party is like throwing gasoline on a near out of control fire. Pure disaster.

    Someone within the GOP had better do whatever it takes to get that POS negro out; as of about 14 months ago. Steele would be best served either having his own BET talk show with pimps and streetwalkers as guests or cleaning out stalls in a peep show.

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