Jesse Jackson Threatens Work Start-age

Jack Ryan: I was forwarded this story, which I am ~ 99 % sure is an Onion Magazine style humor piece. Though I think OD should stick “just to the facts may-am”, the thought of Jessie Jackson threatening to start working was too funny for me to pass up, so here it is)

SANFORD, Fla. – Civil Rights leader Rev. Jessie Jackson threatened a “work start-age” today, if his demands were not met for the swift conviction and execution of George Zimmerman.

Rev. Jackson stated:

“We tried protests, we tried civil disobedience, we tried getting the TV networks to alter 911 audio tapes, nothing’s worked – that White* (*Hispanic-White) racist cracker Zimmerman is still alive. We demand justice for little Trayvon!”

Rev. Jackson then announced that he would lead a “work stoppage” protest. But when pressed by reporters – Jackson conceded that he has actually never worked at any type of real job in his entire life. Jackson assistant Tawana Mogushu then suggested that Rev Jackson SHOCK THE NATION by initiating a “work start-age” and Rev. Jackson heartedly agree.

Local elected officials in Florida expressed great concern about Rev. Jackson’s work start-age threat, fearing that many of the area’s White senior citizens would panic and suffer severe heart attacks if they saw Rev. Jackson doing some honest work.

Local resident Michael Kane (85) expressed deep concern about the proposed Jackson “work start-age”.

Kane stated: “I was in Korea, lost a leg in ‘Nam during the ’68 Tet offensive, I’ve been married three times, shot and stabbed twice by two of my wives, and one of my ex-wives – I like to think I can handle some rough shocks. But, the shock of seeing Jessie Jackson actually doing some honest work – I just don’t think I could handle that.

Local Florida officials are considering appointing an “Extra Special Prosecutor” with ties to Rev. Jackson’s tax exempt organization – Operation PUSH to prevent Jackson’s “work start-age”


  1. MOTS – I would be shocked to near death if I witnessed Jessie Jackson making license plates – that is productive, honest work, even if done by convicts.

  2. Jerry says:
    May 17, 2012 at 5:15 am
    Someone should do an Alt Right version of the Onion. Sorely needed.

    Jack Ryan replies. Why not try a bit of this here on O.D.? This is my first attempt at racial realist, political satire. If readers enjoy this type of humor (my humor) and our great editor HW approves, we can have more Onion style satire.

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