“Screw your optics, I’m going in.”
I sometimes feel like no good deed goes unpunished in the movement.
We had traveled to Charlottesville to support the Confederate monuments. It was the right thing to do. We should honor the memory of our ancestors. It ended with James Fields, Jr. crashing his Dodge Challenger into the crowd and getting nearly every prominent figure and organization who was there sued and ruined in federal court. Fields singlehandedly destroyed the Alt-Right.
There are people who insist to this day that Fields is innocent. He confessed to doing what he did under duress. He couldn’t have continued to back up his car, exited the alley and driven away. This is what any normal person would have done that day. There was nothing preventing him from doing this. Instead, he drove forward through the stop sign into the crowd. We want to believe that it was a horrific accident because the alternative is that he simply didn’t care about the consequences of his actions. We want to believe that guys who are deeply immersed in the Neo-Nazi subculture like James Fields, Jr. who spend their days posting on the Iron March forum and 8chan mentally have it together.
Back in October 2018, I had been home for about a week from Panama City. We had gone down there to participate in the relief effort. I was proud of what we had done. I thought it could be a fresh start after a year of chaos and fallout from the collapse of the Alt-Right. I remember where I was the day that Robert Bowers went into the Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh and opened fire and killed 11 people. I was resting at a friend’s house in Montgomery and meeting up with another friend who was part of the old gang that used to attend our League of the South rallies before the Nationalist Front. We were reminiscing about our old friend Matt Heimbach and the spectacular collapse of TWP earlier that spring.
How it started:
How it was going:
How it ended:
Heimbach briefly returned over the next month. He joined the NSM and attended a rally about a week later in Little Rock. He was gone from the group by early December. It was the ignominious end of Heimbach’s project of building a popular front of White Nationalist and National Socialist groups which stretched back at least five years to the time when Heimbach was banned from attending the original League of the South rally in Shelbyville and Murfreesboro due to his NSM ties. Ultimately, he prevailed in convincing us all to go along with him in this. In retrospect, it was a serious mistake. Those who had predicted it would end up being yet another movement clown show were proven right.
I should have known better.
I had seen it all play out before watching Bill White and Von Bluvens in the NSM from a distance in the previous decade when I was posting on online forums. For whatever reason, it seems like there are people who come into the movement and who twist themselves into pale imitations of George Lincoln Rockwell. I’ve never seen the appeal of it, but I have watched the archetype reproduce itself.
Anyway, we were sitting around discussing Heimbach when the news broke that there had been a synagogue shooting in Pittsburgh. I instantly knew that the shooter was either going to be a Muslim or a White Nationalist vanguardist. I went through all the familiar stages of wondering whether it was someone I knew. The shooter was soon confirmed to be Robert Bowers who was a shitposter on Gab. It wasn’t long before the media was writing stories about how I was “linked” to Bowers.
After I was banned from Twitter in December 2017, I had spent the following year trying to build up Gab. I was a very active poster there in 2018. I recall seeing some of Bowers “gabs” and being “regabbed” by Bowers. I spent a lot of time there criticizing Donald Trump. I was also exposing the identities of Antifa who were doxing people on our side. I never once “collaborated” with Bowers on anything. I had been trying to figure out who Shawn Patrick Breen was for five years since he started harassing my friends in the League of the South. Somehow, this was used to drag my name into the Pittsburgh story, as if I had anything to do with his actions or could read the mind of some random poster on the internet.
Gab Town went up in flames because of Robert Bowers. Gab was deplatformed from all payment processors. Gab was kicked off domain registrars. Somehow, it survived due to Andrew Torba’s vision and determination to overcome all the technical obstacles that were thrown in his way. A lesser man would have given up, cut his losses and knuckled under to the ADL pressure. Torba could have taken the cowardly way out and given up on free speech. Instead, he persevered and ultimately recovered. He even hosts all the clowns who spend all of their time these days bashing him for being a “Christian nationalist.”
I remember logging off that weekend and enjoying Halloween with my son. It seemed like Gab was dead and was never coming back. The most unsettling part of it was watching the people celebrating Bowers and saying that he had done a good deed as he demolished one of our few surviving institutions. He was J-woke. He was a race realist. As we all know, these are the only qualities which are needed to build a successful racial nationalist movement. So what if he killed a few extremely elderly kikes? How is that not a huge win for our cause? Why is there all this handwringing about it?
Of course, everything we did in Panama City was completely overshadowed and forgotten amid what Robert Bowers had done in Pittsburgh. I wasn’t even angry about it. I disengaged from Gab and returned to Twitter. I lost interest in activism after that and focused more on my personal life. I never changed any of my own views. I just became disillusioned with the movement and wearing labels which I can’t control because those who try to do good deeds that bring honor to our cause like we did in Panama City or Torba was doing by building up Gab are constantly hamstrung by the actions of those who don’t.